Sunday, July 16, 2006
This person I knew. Basically I felt I had a godly connection with. I feel I've had a few.
I'm not boasting. I didn't ask god to have such a connection. Or if you are agnostic like I am I did not call upon the life force to feel such an intense bond...I felt and intense bond. Unstoppable everywhere I went. Every place I moved every movement I made I felt this entity this force pulling on me. Suffocating. Breathing. Pushing and pulling. Questioning things at times. Second guessing my judgment. It's faded.
It's true that hearts do fade. It's faded now. I guess it's not true that anything can stay that strong without touch.
When I would have a touch it was something that I can only describe as feeling as if I was everything and everywhere at once. I felt as if I was snow. I felt as if I was green. I felt as if I was a texture. I could not describe I felt as if I was a wheel turning on a roller coaster that repeated it's same cycle around the track for thousands and thousands of years as if all on on earth had left at once and left the lights on and let the train run it's course.
It was quite simply infinite. I know it's boring! I'm sure you have felt this way who has not? Is this not how we feel when we are in love? We feel like we are not anything but sand or snow or pine needles in a lonely cold Vermont forrest.
I felt that way for a while even when I was not directly connected to this person. I foolishly thought that would be enough in my life. I thought I could just hold on to that and that would be enought. But ain't nothing going on but the rent as a fella say. As Desmond would say "that's jacked". LOL.
The Dude Abides. That's for sure. The Dude well, I know your glad I"m out there. Taking it hard for all you sinners.
The Dude well never mind.
Paradise Lost. Paradise Found. I found someone knew and the only thing I can say is it's different. It is that connection and it's new it's just different and I'm older now.
Also I just don't want to repeat past mistakes. I'm not into cocaine or anything of that sort so I don't fit in at big party's. It's ok.
I guess I write because it is or it will always just be a mystery to me what happened. Like in Calculus I have learned to foget why and focus on moving toward the limit. Find limits is more important than finding gold. Imagination is every bit more gold than your boob.