Sunday, July 16, 2006

Guilt and Worry

Guilt is feeling about something that happened in your past. Worry is feeling bad about something you can't control in your future. Both are useless emotions. Yet I find myself engadged in both from time to time although less so often as I have aged.

Relationships are the thing I've considered the most lately. Impossible or possible useless or not. I've been having fun lately. I'm afraid to at times. I feel like I am repeating something I have experienced in the past. I have someone now that is really great and really laid back. It's hard to find that.

Everything is so fake. I guess this is obvious to most people. I guess I was kind of late to realize this. I have a tendancy to get stuck on things. I got stuck on someone for a long long time. It feels like I waited for 1,000 years. Corny but true.

I obey the connection. I obey a godly connection when I've found one. This much I know to do at this point in my life and I would say that I've had three of them. I'm not completely sure. What I am more supprised about is that if you stay open they happen. Maybe I'm kidding myself I'm not sure.

For a while I waited. For nothing really. Idiotic it is. I realize that. I was careless when I was young and I would smile about it. I didn't care maybe because intuitively I knew life would turn out to be a drag.

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